Letters to Doyle
by Penelope Anne Neptune
Summary: After Angel tells Cordelia writing will help with the pain, Cordelia writes letters to Doyle. She later finds that her letters have been answered in handwriting she knew all too well. Full summary inside. Cordy/Doyle
1. Almost Lover

A/N: Dear Fellow Readers,

I do NOT own either the song Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy or the Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel series created by Joss Whedon. Although I wish I did...oh well...ENJOY!

-Flower Child

* * *

_Your fingertips across my skin_

_The palm trees swaying in the wind_

_Images_

* * *

Doyle's POV

* * *

Skip, the PTB's demon guide, was telling me that my time was done on earth and the Powers wanted me to be a higher being and of course I had accepted with no hesitation. Just as we were about to cross over so I could be in peace forever, Skip stopped in his tracks and I looked up at him completely confused. I was so close to peace that the light was beaming down from heaven, waiting for me.

"It seems as if the PTB have a different plan for you, Doyle." Skip said to me.

"What do you mean?" I questioned, hoping he would tell me.

"I-I can't tell you. The only thing I can say is that you have some unfinished business to attend to."

Just then, I felt as if I was going backwards on a roller coaster but I was standing straight up. It looked that way too. The scenery flew past me. Skip was no longer near me. I thought that I heard myself screaming but it could simply just be a figure of my wild imagination. I had no idea what was going on. I was thrown in front of an extremely familiar building and a man who was walking by stepped on my leg. I was about to yell at the guy until I realized that I didn't _feel _it at all. I only knew that he stepped on me because I saw it happen. Instead, his foot went right _through_ me.

"This can't be good…" I said to myself.

I was sent back to Angel Investigations and this time the PTB decided to send me back as a ghost.

* * *

_You sang me Spanish lullbies_

_The sweetest sadness in your eyes_

_Clever trick_

* * *

Angel's POV

* * *

I walked up from my apartment to the Angel Investigations office. I found Cordelia picking up each of the many coffee mugs one by one and closely looked at each of them before setting them back down again. I had no idea what she was doing.

"Cordelia, what are you doing?" I asked.

"Nothing." she quickly answered and I knew she was lying. Cordelia immediately added, "Looking for Doyle's special coffee mug."

"Doyle didn't have a special mug."

"Don't you think he should have?"

* * *

_Well, I never want to see you unhappy_

_I thought you'd want the same for me_

* * *

Cordelia's POV

* * *

Both Angel and I heard the front door open then close once again. We both glanced up at the door and when we saw that nobody had walked through it, returned to what we were doing. A part of me expected to see Doyle walk through that door and the other part of me was saying that he will never ever return no matter how badly I wanted him to, just to see him once again.

I looked at Angel completely confused and he just shrugged. I went to my desk and attempted to organize it as best as I possibly could considering how messy it was.

I could have sworn that I felt something or someone run something across my cheek. In the same instant that I felt it, it went away, giving me a cold chill. Then, I thought that I heard a noise kind of like somebody who had previously lost their voice was trying to yell out something to me. When I could no longer hear the noise, I thought that it was simply my mind playing tricks on me once again so I acted as if it never happened.

* * *

_Goodbye, my almost lover_

_Goodbye, my hopeless dreams_

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Can't you just let me be?_

_So long, my luckless romance_

_My back is turned on you_

_Should've known you'd bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do  
_

* * *

Doyle's POV

* * *

"Princess!" I yelled out as loud as I possibly could to Cordelia after I had discovered that nobody could hear me. Not even Angel with his super sensitive vampire hearing.

Even though I was standing right next to Cordelia, she still couldn't hear me calling for her; not even a little bit. Cordelia just continued on with her organizing but I knew just by the way she looked that she was depressed and having troubles adjusting.

Then I thought, "_If I can touch solid objects, maybe I can touch Cordelia."_

I tried to touch Cordelia's left shoulder but my hand went right through her. I sighed in disappointment and decided to try once again. This time, I focused as hard as I could to be able to touch her just this once. I ran my fingers across her cheek which gave her a cold chill. I was able to touch her for just that short moment until my attention was diverted to the door to see who walked in just now.

"PRINCESS!" I yelled at the top of my lungs once again just to see if that made any difference. For a minute, I thought she heard me but to my disappointment, she didn't and stood in the office, arms crossed over her chest as she looked at the demon standing in the office. The demon that was standing just inside the doorway turned out to be an empathy demon that looked like he had a bad case of the chicken pox.

"Well isn't this just-wait. Empath demon? Maybe he can read ghost emotions as well." I realized as I threw the emotions I was feeling at him, hoping that he could read them.

The demon stopped in mid-sentence as I threw as many emotions at him as I could and he said, "Disappointment…Love…Despair…Hurt…Need…Frustration…Want…Confusion..." matching every one of my emotions as I smiled.

"Doyle." Cordelia and Angel said together.

"Hallelujah!" I shouted.

"That's impossible." Angel stated.

"Dammit." I mumbled.

"Well somebody here is throwing out those emotions." the demon said.

* * *

_We walked along a crowded street_

_You took my hand and danced with me_

_Images  
_

* * *

Cordelia's POV

* * *

After a long day at work with a vampire and a 'rouge demon hunter' who was actually scared of everything , all I wanted to do was to go back to my apartment and relax and maybe chat with Dennis for awhile. The trip to my apartment seemed longer than usual. When I finally walked in, I grabbed a can of root beer. I stood in my kitchen for a moment to let off some steam…

"I hate you, Doyle! Why did you give me your visions? Ugh!" I shouted even though I knew he probably wasn't listening in heaven.

I gripped the counter in frustration as a few tears fell from my eyes. I walked in my living room, grabbing a pen and a notebook on my way, and sat down on my couch. Dennis opened my root beer for me and I began to write a letter. A letter to Doyle.

_Dear Doyle,_

_Angel says that writing might help with easing my emotional pain a little bit but there's a part of me that doesn't believe him at all. I am trying so unbelievably hard to understand everything that has been going on around me but maybe if you could just explain it all to me, then it might start making some kind of sense to me. Wesley tells me that talking about that night will help but even just _thinking_ about talking to Angel and Wesley about the night that you perished before my eyes just makes my pain even worse. Or maybe I'm just simply confusing my emotional pain with the physical pain in my head. Oh and thank you very much for those skull cracking visions by the way! I don't know how you put up with these oh-so-lovely visions from the Powers That Be for as long as you did. Well there is one thing that I kept to myself after I broke it off with my totally geeky ex-boyfriend, Xander Harris. I had told myself that I would never fall for guys like him (which includes you) ever again in my lifetime. Even though I promised myself that, here I am, realizing my love for you a little on the too late side to act upon it. One thing that I do wish is that you could have told me about your Brachen demon half a little sooner than you did. I grew up in Sunnydale for God's sake. Oh well. The past is the past and there is absolutely nothing anybody can do to change it no matter how much we want to. I love you, Doyle. The day I realized my love for you was the day you died._

_Love, Cordelia_

_PS: An empath demon was in Angel's office today and was telling Angel and me that one of us was throwing out a bunch of feelings that neither of us were feeling. The very first thing we thought of was you but it couldn't have been you, could it?_

I laid my notebook and pen back down on the table and slowly sipped my root beer while talking to Dennis. Dennis gave me a blanket and I whispered a 'thank you' to him just moments before I curled up and fell asleep.

* * *

_And when you left, you kissed my lips_

_You told me you would never, ever forget_

_These images  
_

* * *

Doyle's POV

* * *

One of the many disadvantages of being a ghost is that I can not leave the place that I was sent back to. I honestly do not know how Dennis stays cooped up like this all the time. I sat in Cordelia's desk chair at Angel Investigations and tried to think up a way to communicate with her. Dennis talks through his actions but I already knew I did not want to do that. I wanted to 'speak' in a different way.

I leaned back in the chair and closed my eyes. As soon as they were closed, a face flashed, disappearing then reappearing. I saw a letter on a table and I saw the face full on.

It was me.

My eyes shot open and I held a fist in the air as I complained, "I am dead and a ghost and I am _still_ getting visions? What the hell?"

* * *

_Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy_

_I thought you'd want the same for me  
_

* * *

Cordelia's POV

* * *

"Ahh!" I screamed in the middle of the night as I began to have a vision.

A face flashed in front of my eyes, disappearing then reappearing. I saw a letter with my name on it and I was actually about it see who the face belonged to.

It was Doyle.

"What the...?" I asked myself as I scrambled out of my bed.

Dennis floated in with a glass of water and two ibuprofens. I gave him a smile and accepted both gifts. I drank the water as I threw some decent street clothes on to go to Angel about my vision. Hopefully the both of us could figure out what in the world my vision meant. If the two of us could not, then maybe Wesley could help.

* * *

_Goodbye, my almost lover_

_Goodbye, my hopeless dreams_

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Can't you just let me be?_

_So long, my luckless romance_

_My back is turned on you_

_Should've known you'd bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do_

* * *

Angel's POV

* * *

I heard a rapid knocking at my door and I slowly made my way to open it up, almost knocking a few things over in the process.

"Cordelia?" I groggily asked.

"I had a vision and it's contents completely confused me." she said as she walked in and sat down at my table.

"What was it about?"

"Um...there was a face that was disappearing and then reappearing. At my apartment was a letter adressed to me. I do not know why it's important but I felt that it was of great importance. The face belonged to Doyle."

"Are you sure it wasn't a dream?"

"Ha. I wish! Dreams aren't painful."

"Doyle, if you are here, please give us a sign." I said.

There was nothing. No sound; just silence.

"Cordy, it's probably an imposter."

"But the handwriting looked _exactly _like his! I swear!"

"I know, Cordelia, but there's no way he was sent back here. I would think that the Powers That Be would want him to become a higher being. Come on. I'll make some hot chocolate for you." I said, raising from the table.

* * *

_I cannot go to the ocean_

_I cannot drive the streets at night_

_I cannot wake up in the morning_

_Without you on my mind_

_So you're gone and I'm haunted_

_And I bet you are just fine_

_Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?  
_

* * *

Doyle's POV

* * *

"I'm right here!" I yelled at a seemingly deaf Angel and Cordelia as loud as my voice would allow.

I also attempted to touch Cordelia just to tell her that I really am here. When I was scheduled to become a higher being, I had plans to watch Cordelia from above; just to give her one last chance at

don't even get to see the light. They simply just can't cross over. Some paranormal experts believe this is because the ghost has unfinished business to attend to.

"The unfinished business can vary from a promise the person made while he/she was alive or to simply telling a loved one goodbye. There's also the kind of spirits who refuse to cross over because they want to haunt somebody to the point of insanity.

"With Cordelia's ghost, Dennis, he has unfinished business as I understand it. He has/had a fiance waiting for him out there somewhere. That is what is holding him here and he probably won't ever cross over.

"Another thing that I do know about ghosts is that it could just be a simple object holding them here. Also, ghosts can't touch anything with a heartbeat." I lectured.

After I said that, Angel jumped out of him chair and exclaimed, "What was that?"

I pulled out my K2 meter from my pocket and scanned Angel's area. It was SCREAMING with electromagnetic fields. Then the energy went away and was now surrounding Cordelia.

"Angel, did Doyle have any unfinished business that you know of?" I questioned.

"Not that I know of."

Cordelia mumbled something but it was too quiet for me to hear.

* * *

_Goodbye, my almost lover_

_Goodbye, my hopeless dreams_

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Can't you just let me be?_

_So long, my luckless romance_

_My back is turned on you_

_Should've known you'd bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do_

* * *

* * *

Cordelia's POV

* * *

I laughed when Angel jumped out of him seat like something had bit him in the butt. Wesley laughed as well and I could almost see Doyle's facial expression if he were here and I swear that I heard his laugh.

Wesley removed a white bar like thing that was about eight inches or so in length. He, I guess the right word would be scanned, the area where Angel was sitting only a moment ago. The lights on Wesley's device flashed like crazy then stopped.

Wesley questioned, "Angel, did Doyle have any unfinished business?"

"Not that I know of." Angel answered.

"Yes." I mumbled.

"What was that, Cordelia?" Wesley asked me.

"Yes."

"He did?" Angel asked, confused.

"Yes, he did."

"What are you talking about?"

I looked up at Angel with blurry vision and said, "Doyle made a promise to me the night that he...died. He promised to take me out on a date. Nobody knew about it except us because I didn't say anything about it. Now, I'll never see him again."

* * *

A/N: Please, please tell me if I made ANY spelling and or grammer mistakes. Those bother me and even though I double check it before I post it, I am quite sure that I STILL don't catch all of the errors.

Thank you all!

-Flower Child


	2. Whatever It Is

**A/N: I am terribly sorry that it has taken me so long to update this fanfic. I have been working on others and with school; well you know what that's like.**

**Here's the next chapter.**

**Song: Whatever It Is by Zac Brown Band

* * *

**

**Wesley's POV**

I helped Angel retrieve some books in his private library for us to read. Actually, Angel pulled books off the shelves and handed them to me to hold onto until he was absolutely sure that he grabbed every book that he needed. He took the large pile from me and proceeded to the table in the kitchen.

"Cordelia, I think you should take some time off." Angel said as Cordelia tried to reach for a book to help out.

"But-"

"Cordelia, I mean it. Go home, get some rest. You deserve it."

Cordelia left Angel's apartment and I asked Angel, "Brachen demons?"

"Doyle was half demon, half human. I grabbed books on Brachen demons, humans, ghosts and the PTB."

I grabbed a rather large book on Brachen demons and Angel grabbed a book on the PTB. The both of us immediately began on our research. My first few books gave me nothing but I eventually found an entry that caught my attention.

* * *

_She's got eyes that cut you, like a knife_

_And her lips that taste like sweet red wine._

_And her pretty legs go to heaven every time.

* * *

_

**Cordelia's POV**

Angel had insisted that I at least take the day off due to my vision I had that morning. I really did want to help with the research to maybe lighten up the load on Wesley and Angel but Angel pushed me out of the door as far as he possibly could without stepping into the sunlight.

I slowly walked the short distance back to my apartment and I decided to just sleep my short break through. Then a thought occurred to me. Maybe I would have a dream about Doyle.

_I was walking along a beach in California, holding hands with a guy who had looked extremely familiar to me. Although I could not see the man's face, I knew that I recognized him. I honestly could not figure out exactly who he was. He turned towards me and I saw that it was Doyle._

"_I love you, Princess." Doyle softly said to me, before he kissed me._

"_I love you too, Doyle. I love you so much."_

"_I know."_

_The scene changed but I knew that we were at Doyle's apartment on his bed. We were both under the covers with my head lying on his bare chest. He softly stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head sweetly. I looked up at him and kissed his lips. The both of us were on the brink of falling fast asleep._

"_Doyle?" I asked, getting ready to ask him a question._

"_Cordelia, wake up." he said to me._

When I woke up in my own bed at my apartment, I discovered that Angel was the one waking me up.

I sat up, rubbing the sleep away from my exhausted eyes as I groggily asked Angel, "What is wrong? Do you need me for anything? Oh God. Wesley did not blow up your apartment did he?"

He chuckled before he said, "My apartment is still intact. I am just here to check up on you. Just to be one hundred percent sure that you were doing okay."

"I'm _fine_."

"Alright, alright. You can go back to sleep now if you want"

"Okay. Just make sure that Dennis doesn't shove you out into the daylight." I said as I lay back down and pulled the covers back over me, attempting to get as comfortable as I possibly could.

As soon as I heard the door close again, I was out like a light.

* * *

_She's got a gentle way that puts me at ease_

_And when she walks in the room I can hardly breathe_

_Got a devastating smile, knock a grown man to his knees.

* * *

_

**Wesley's POV**

During my research, after Angel returned from checking up on Cordelia, I found a small entry talking about two people who were meant to be together, also known as soulmates in a book about the PTB.

"Soulmates…" I whispered.

"Did you say something, Wesley?"

"Soulmates." I repeated but louder this time.

Angel looked at me confused and questioned, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"It says here that when a happy couple, whether they be human, demon or a mix of the two, are bound to be together forever, or as we know them, soulmates, and one of them dies, then the previously dead one will return to his/her soulmate in a ghost form."

"So what you are saying is that Doyle and Cordelia are soulmates?" Angel curiously asked.

"They could be but I am not for sure…"

"It looks like to me that we will be researching a different topic area." Angel said, grabbing more books off the shelves but these ones were about soulmates and true love.

* * *

_She's got whatever it is._

_It blows me away._

_She's everything I wanna say to a woman_

_But I couldn't find the words to say._

_She's got whatever it is._

_Don't know what to do._

_Because every time I try to tell her how I feel_

_It comes out I LOVE YOU._

_You got whatever it is.

* * *

_

**Doyle's POV**

I over watched Angel and Wesley as they researched about soulmates and such and it was giving me a few answers to the questions I had from the moment Cordelia walked into Angel Investigations and when I first came back as a ghost.

1: It explained why I was brought back here.

2: It explained why I was so drawn to Cordelia.

And 3: It answered my question on why I felt like I never wanted to leave Cordelia's side.

I listened to Wesley and Angel exchange information and Wesley said that ghosts can only leave their destined place at night. This thrilled me because it was now night time and I could leave here to go to Cordelia's home.

I just wanted to stop by at the Oracles first to see if they could tell me anything that I did not already know.

* * *

_You know I've never been the type_

_That would ever wanna stay._

_And bring em home at night._

_And their gone the next day._

_But that all changed._

_When she walked into my life.

* * *

_

**Cordelia's POV**

When I woke up, I took a shower and after I had gotten dressed once again, I took out my notebook and a pen and I began to write yet another letter to Doyle.

_Dear Doyle,_

_How have you been? Is it possible for you to talk and see other ghosts? Anyway, instead of writing you a heartfelt letter like last time, I decided to write a poem using my non-existent creativity._

_I would always wonder if we would ever be together._

_I want to be your forever._

_But I was too late to say I love you._

_I was too late. What else can I do?_

_I love your Irish accent and blue eyes._

_I want to be by your side._

_But you left as you sacrificed your own life._

_You didn't care. You knew how to pay the price._

_I was too late to love you._

_I was too late to care about you._

_I cry for you to return to me._

_I was so stupid not to see that you loved me._

_I'm sure we will see each other again._

_I don't know where you're going or where you've been._

_You left me on a kiss_

_With you, I felt true bliss._

_You sacrificed your life to save a dozen or more._

_You left Angel and me so torn._

_You died right before my eyes._

_Now I will never be by your side._

_I was too late to say those three words._

_I was too late. Now I can't be your girl._

_I was too late to say, "I love you."_

_Love, Cordelia_

I curled up in a ball on my couch and fell asleep once again.

_I stood in a white room and if it weren't for the marble floors, beauty of the room and the three other people in the room, I would have thought I was in an insane asylum.

* * *

_

_And people ask me why it is_

_I tell em I don't know._

_There's just something bout the woman_

_That makes my heart go haywire._

_And she's gonna be my wife.

* * *

_

**Doyle's POV**

"What brings you here, lower being?" the Brother oracle asked me, sounding extremely impatient.

"He is anything but a lower being, Brother. After all, he sacrificed his life and the love he could have had to save half breeds." the Sister oracle commented. "Why are you here?"

"I need to know why I was sent back to earth."

The Brother oracle went to say something but the Sister interrupted, "It was simply true love that brought you back."

"Cordelia?"

"Precisely."

"Then how come I was sent to Angel's Investigations instead of Cordelia's apartment?"

"A lost soul already resides there."

"Dennis…why was I sent as a ghost?"

"Because your body was lost during the sacrifice that you made." the Sister oracle calmly answered.

A bright light appeared before my eyes as I was casted out of the "Gateway for Lost Souls."

* * *

_She's got whatever it is._

_It blows me away._

_She's everything I wanna say to a woman_

_But I couldn't find the words to say._

_She's got whatever it is._

_Don't know what to do._

_Every time I try to tell her how I feel_

_It comes out I LOVE YOU._

_You got whatever it is.

* * *

_

**Angel's POV**

"It states here that if the ghost that was sent back to earth does not communicate with his true love, then the ghost…" Wesley said before he stopped talking in mid-sentence.

"What is it?" I curiously asked.

"Then the ghost will be forever lost."

"How long does the ghost have?"

"30 days."

"We better find Doyle."

"There is a spell her to locate and show a ghost, making him temporarily solid, but we will need a close belonging of his."

I thought for a minute and I said, "Cordelia. She has his visions which was his most prized possession. He also loved her very much."

* * *

_When she loves me._

_Girl that's how I feel._

_Because when she loves me_

_I'm on top of the world._

_Because when she loves me._

_I can live forever._

_Because when she loves me._

_I am untouchable.

* * *

_

**Doyle's POV**

I stepped onto Cordelia's deck like thing in front of her apartment and I opened the door. I put one foot in the doorway and I was almost inside when Dennis slammed the door on me. My leg was sticking through the door and I stepped back. That wasn't even the weird thing. The weirdest is that I could _see_ Dennis now.

"Dennis, it's me, Doyle. I am a friend of Cordelia's."

Dennis poked his head through the door and asked, "But you're dead. Why are you here? Do you know how much pain you have caused?"

"I do, Dennis. The PTB sent me back to earth."

"What do you want, Doyle?"

"I have come here to fix the pain I have caused, not to make anymore. My princess does not deserve that."

Dennis backed up so I could not see him and he opened the door to let me inside the apartment. I went straight for Cordelia's bedroom.

"Doyle, don't bother her. She's sleeping."

I turned to Dennis and smiled as I said, "I would never disrupt a sleeping princess."

I sat in a chair that was in Cordelia's room and I watched her as she slept. A notebook sitting on her nightstand. I grabbed it and I began to read. Everything was in Cordelia's handwriting.

Only two sheets of paper had handwriting on them.

They were letters.

Letters to me.

I grabbed the pen on the nightstand and I began to write.

Write a letter to Cordelia.

* * *

**Cordelia's POV**

_I stood inside a white, marble room with Doyle and two other people. The other beings were a gold color with little blue markings on them. The male had golden hair where as the female had black curly hair._

"_What brings you here, lower being?" the male asked, sounding to me like he is arrogant and self important._

"_He is anything but a lower being, Brother. After all, he sacrificed his life and the love he could have had to save half breeds. Why are you here, Allen?" the female said._

"_I need to know why I was sent back to earth." Doyle stated._

"_It was simply true love that brought you back."_

"_Cordelia?"_

"_Precisely."_

"_True love?" I thought, dazing out for a minute._

"_A lost soul already resides there."_

_A blinding white light appeared and Doyle and I stood outside of a white archway that said something across the top._

When I woke up from my strange dream, I found myself gasping for air and sweating. I felt as if I was claustrophobic and the walls of my bedroom were caving in on me. I also felt as if somebody was watching me but it might just be Dennis or my imagination. The chair in my bedroom had indents in it as if somebody was sitting there but the chair was empty. I thought that I was seeing things so I dismissed that.

I crawled out of my bed and grabbed a class of ice water and sat down, contemplating about the dream I just had.

"True love? No. No, it can't be." I said to myself.

Then I heard the telephone ring and I slowly answered it.

"Cordelia, it's Angel. Wesley and I think that you and Doyle are…were soulmates." Angel's voice said over the phone.

"Yeah, I know. I had another dream."

"Tell me about it."

I heard a button being pressed as I was put on speaker. I told Angel about my dream and the gold people. Angel called them 'oracles' or something like that and asked me if I could come in to help. I agreed and hung up the phone and went to leave to go to Angel's.

That's when I happened to glance at my notebook.

I saw that somebody had written a letter to me. I instantly knew the handwriting.

Doyle.

**A/N: Ta-da! Congradulations readers! I can no longer feel my hands from all that typing. XP**

**Please review!**

**Oh and I wrote that poem all by myself and I know that it sucks. XP  
**


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